What if...?

What if there is a God?

I'm often asked, "What if there is a God, what – if when you die – you come face to face with the God you have denied all your life? Are you prepared to risk the fires of hell?"

This is an easy one for me to answer – "What if you are right, what if there is a Creator of the Universe? Clearly it would be a trillion times greater than the petty miniaturised deity that you worship."

Of course, when I say that, godists look puzzled because they have no idea what I'm talking about, and so I enlighten them.

The biblical creature that you worship has committed every atrocity known to man, and then some. According to your bible he drowned every living creature on a whim. Then (miraculously) he burned to death the inhabitants of two cities including innocent women and children. Then, just for the fun of it, he tortured the inhabitants of Egypt to punish the pharaoh who desperately wanted to co-operate but was prevented from doing so by your god. Your god tortured the civilian population with plagues and crop-eating locusts and frogs and eventually he murdered the first-born sons of every family. He did this because it gave him immense pleasure and satisfaction to do so.

This mass torture and slaughter is celebrated every year by Jews, it is called the Feast of the Passover.

Your deity instructed Jews to drive out anyone occupying land that they wanted for themselves. This has resulted in the Israel/Palestine conflict, the 9/11 catastrophe, the Afghanistan and Iraq wars, numerous terrorist attacks and whatever else follows. Probably global nuclear war.

Your deity instructed fathers to murder their daughters on suspicion of being promiscuous, and their sons for being drunk and disorderly. He ordered husbands to poison their wives on suspicion of committing adultery. He ordered everyone to murder anyone caught working on the sabbath. Even collecting firewood to keep warm carried the death penalty. He ordered everyone to murder anyone who worshipped any deity but him. He ordered everyone to murder witches. He ordered everyone to murder homosexual men and women. Transsexuals were banned from his "sancturies", as were disabled people and the blind. Your deity encouraged Jews to capture and keep as slaves anyone who wasn't a Jew. Jews were allowed to trade us, mistreat us and pass us on to relatives as an inheritance.

Your deity inflicted thousands of men with agonising haemorrhoids. He warned others that he would force them to drink urine and eat excrement. No one has ever worshipped a lower, more revolting and despicable deity than the Jewish god JWHW, known to you as Jehovah.

And then along comes a creepy individual called Jesus, a man who talked love but blazed hatred; a man who frequently lost his temper and condemned anyone who disagreed with him to an eternity spent writhing in the flames of hell. He even lost his temper with a vegetable -- a fig tree -- and cursed it to death. He detested non Jews and was loathe to cure a sick Canannite child because of her racial inferiority.

This alleged son of god advised HETEROsexual men to mutilate themselves, to amputate their hands and to gouge out their eyes. He instructed all men to castrate themselves "for heaven's sake".

This alleged son of god was so ignorant and so stupid he attempted to cure a man of a mental disorder by transferring the man's "demons" into 2,000 pigs, and then he had the pigs commit suicide by leaping into the sea. You could search the continent of Africa and then slip across to the voodoo shores of Haiti in search of a sillier witchdoctor and you would fail.

It is these two ghastly imbeciles that you worship as gods.

And now I return to your question by asking you a question. If when you die you come face to face with the Creator of the Universe, how will you reply when it asks you, "Do you really believe that I am an evil, diabolical, sadistic and ridiculous fool?"

You're going to have to be honest and admit that you worship "god" as described in the bible. Then the Creator of the Universe will reply, "In that case you DO believe that I am an evil, diabolical, sadistic and ridiculous fool!"

Now let me ask you, at that point, whose shoes would you rather be in, yours or mine? Bearing in mind that I will say to the Creator of the Universe, "I spent my adult years defending you from the cruel allegations levelled against you in the bible."

You, on the other hand, chose not to use the brain you were born with. You chose not to read the book that you insist is the "Word of God". Instead you chose to believe the words of evil, scheming priests and pastors. You chose to believe exactly what you were told to believe.

And now, you are face to face with the Creator of the Universe and it is about to judge you. Personally I don't believe there is such a thing a universal creator, but what if I'm wrong?

You now have to explain why you chose ignorant, hideous savagery over intelligent, compassionate humanity.

To put it mildly, you're fucked.

I hope that answers your question.

Darwin Copernicus